Depressing Show
by LilyPadADV
Summary: What if Bella had a dark secret, a way of dealing with depression while Edward was away? A secret she told no one...an addiction... New Moon, Dark/Angsty Fic.


**Hola everyone! LilyPadADV here. My very first ANGSTY FIC!! EEEPPP! I'm so excited *hops up and down while clapping* Er. Yeah...so this is my first angst fic. I was feeling rather glum the other night and them BAM! This showed up on word. So I hope you enjoy and I hope I portrayed the feelings of angst correctly. Thanks.**

**Disclaimer: WHY CAN'T I OWN IT! I'LL GO ANGST ON YOU!**

**Stephanie Meyers: I can take you.**

**Me: O.O**

* * *

Angst. Horror. Sadness. Depression. Anger. Betrayal.

Tears of all these emotions fell down her face. How could they not? Her other half was gone, never to be seen again. Making a clean break as he had put it. The salty tears of angst, horror, sadness, depression, anger, and the most painful emotion, betrayal flowed freely down her cheeks she got up and looked at her tear stained pillow. Disgusted with herself, at how she could mourn so much for so long over _**HIM, **_she dragged herself slowly up and opened the door. She pushed it open quickly and quietly so she would not get caught. She snuck across the hall and opened the door.

She went to the bathroom and swiftly locked the door. Then she pressed her face against the cold, tile side of the bathtub. She winced; it was cold like his marble body. She winced again at the connection she had made. She couldn't get away from him. Everything she did, everything and person she was around reminded her of _**HIM**_. She had thrown away all of her cd's in a rage, never touched her books anymore, rarely talked to anyone anymore. Putting on a small show of answering direct questions. Putting on a show…..

That was her life. Everything she did, a show. Everything she did was fake. Not real. Acting. In a real life drama. A drama, that is, with only one dramatic scene. A scene that formed pain that hurt so badly, it was unimaginable. She didn't know if she could handle the pain, if it was worth handling it.

Was it worth it anymore? She didn't know. Was anything worth it now? What was there to live for? Charlie? Renee? They could go on without her…she never thought she could go on without _**HIM**_, yet here she was….

Life couldn't go on she had thought, yet it did. Slowly and painfully. Oh, so painfully. Like rusty knives, slowly dragging into her flesh. Burning hot wires slapping her bare back. But this slow bitter pain was nothing compared to the pain _**HE**_had brought her by a few simple sentences. The sentences that shattered her world forever, bringing on the pain, the irreplaceable pain.

Thinking of the pain, the brunette bent down beside the cold bathtub and let her emotions out in one swift action. She wiped her mouth, washed out the bathtub and brushed her teeth. The ritual happened robotically. A horrible and dangerous habit. It couldn't be stopped now, it was like her drug. She needed to do it. It's what kept her going.

The ritual had been going on for months. It was her secret. She couldn't deal with the pain. If she tried to cut herself, she remembered her promise to _**HIM**_. She had to respect his last wish to her. She knew that doing _**THIS**_ ritual was no better, but she assumed this was better than cutting herself. Plus, she couldn't risk showing the scars and getting caught. Trust was for fools. She had trusted him, and all that she had left to show was her shell of a former life and her broken heart. She put on a show, a good show. She showed what everyone wanted to see. So she was a shell…lifeless….

That is what her life had come to be. A show. A shell of what she was. She looked into the mirror and saw a ghostly figure. She stared back it with no emotion, but deep inside her, she felt the smallest bit of horror. Who was this person? Her eyes, blank with no sign of emotion. Her cheeks, pale. She never blushed of any emotion anymore. (She winced, pale reminded her of _**THEM**_) Tear tracks nearly imbedded in her skin with a salty train. Every night she seemed to cry. Over what though? Crying wouldn't bring **_HIM_** back to her…. She quickly washed off her face, afraid to be caught. Sneaking about was the only thing she did now. The only purpose, not to get caught.

As she was about to open the door, her father opened it. Taking a look at his daughter, his suspicions melted away. He thought his daughter was thinking of committing suicide, but taking a look at her 'mask' which he took to be the real thing, his thoughts melted away. He put on a sympathetic face. As a Father, he knew how hard it must be. He tried to make an effort to comfort his daughter.

He patted her in the on the back and lead her downstairs, muttering comforting words as they walked. Not that she could hear, she had tuned out of the world. She found if she did this, blocked out the world, she could dull the pain. She numbed herself, her senses, and the pain. The pain pulled at her so hard and tried to force her under. Every moment was a fight to stay afloat.

Taking one more look towards her 'ritual' area, she sighed and said "Sure, dad. I'll make fish." As she shrugged his hand off and walked downstairs. Her body was there but her mind wandered away. Far away, but she stayed there physically for one reason. After all, she was just an actress, putting on a show.

* * *

**Sooooo, how did you like it? Or not like it? Was it good? Bad? In between? I need to know! So click that button (which they recently redesigned I hear) and tell me! It took me HOURS to make this fic so just take a few moments to reveiw. I don't care if it's a 'That sucked. Go to hell' like I know angsty people like to put. Just put something!! **

**Also, I thought about continuing this fic....but I doubt it. It's staying a one-shot for now. I'll continue it MAYBE but don't bother story alerting it. I promise if I ever do continue this fic I will personally track each and ever REVEIWER down and tell them.**

**Hope you liked it. REVEIW!**

**~ Stay Beautiful (Yes Akako, I'm stealing your signature) LilyPadADV Out.**


End file.
